The holidays are still weeks away, but the disagreement has already started.
Your ex says the kids will be with them for Thanksgiving. You thought this was your year.
Your family has planned a Christmas trip, but the dates overlap with the other parent’s time.
Maybe you switched holidays last year as a favor, and now the other parent believes that arrangement should continue.
Or perhaps you simply pulled out your custody order, started reading it, and realized you are not completely sure what it means.
For divorced and separated parents, holiday custody disagreements can turn what should be an exciting time of year into weeks of stress.
The good news is that October gives parents something valuable: time.
Before Thanksgiving arrives and Christmas plans become harder to change, this is an opportunity to understand your custody order, communicate with the other parent, and address disagreements before they become last-minute emergencies.
Start With Your Actual Custody Order
One of the biggest mistakes parents can make is relying on what they remember instead of what their order actually says.
You may remember what happened last year.
You may have a friend whose custody arrangement sounds similar.
You may even find a Texas holiday custody calendar online and assume it applies to you.
But your court order is where you should start.
Texas parenting orders can address regular weekends, weekdays, school breaks, holidays, summer possession, pickup and drop-off times, and other details.
Many Texas families have orders based on the Standard Possession Order, but not every order is identical. The specific terms of your case matter.
Before arguing about who is right, find your order and read the sections addressing possession and access, particularly the provisions covering Thanksgiving and the Christmas school vacation.
You may discover that the answer is already there.
Holiday Schedules Can Override the Normal Weekend Schedule
This is one area that can easily create confusion.
A parent might look at the calendar and say, “That’s my weekend.”
But a holiday schedule may change what would normally happen that weekend.
Under the Texas Standard Possession Order, certain holiday possession periods supersede conflicting weekend or Thursday periods of possession.
That means simply counting first, third, and fifth weekends may not tell you who has the children during Thanksgiving or Christmas.
This is why parents should look at the holiday provisions separately instead of assuming the normal schedule continues unchanged throughout November and December.
The exact beginning and ending times can also matter.
School dismissal dates, December 28, the day before school resumes, and other specific times may determine when exchanges occur depending on the applicable order.
When travel plans, airline tickets, or extended family gatherings are involved, misunderstanding even one exchange date can create a much larger problem.
“But We Did It Differently Last Year”
This is another situation many parents recognize.
Last year, you agreed to switch Thanksgiving.
Or you let the children stay an extra few days for a family trip.
Maybe Christmas morning worked better at one parent’s house, so you adjusted the schedule.
Now the other parent says, “That’s how we did it last year.”
Cooperation and flexibility can be good for families. Parents who can reasonably accommodate each other may avoid unnecessary conflict and make holidays easier for their children.
But parents should also understand the difference between a temporary agreement and the terms contained in their court order.
If you made an exception last year, do not automatically assume that exception permanently changed the schedule.
Go back to the order and determine what it provides for this year.
If both parents want to make another adjustment, communicate clearly about exactly what is changing, including dates, times, transportation, and when the children will return.
What If You’ve Already Made Travel Plans?
Holiday travel can make custody disagreements more complicated very quickly.
Imagine that grandparents have purchased airline tickets for the children.
A family cabin has already been booked.
Relatives are flying into Texas.
Or one parent plans to take the children out of state for several days.
Then someone realizes the trip overlaps with the other parent’s scheduled possession.
That is not something you want to discover two days before departure.
Before finalizing holiday travel involving the children, review your order and make sure the planned dates do not interfere with the other parent’s possession.
If you need the other parent to agree to a schedule change, having that conversation early gives everyone more room to work something out.
Waiting until reservations are nonrefundable does not make a custody conflict easier to solve.
What If Your Ex Says You Cannot Have the Kids?
This is where disagreements can become more serious.
Maybe you believe the order clearly gives you Thanksgiving, but the other parent says the children are staying with them.
Or perhaps both parents are reading the same provision differently.
Avoid turning the children into messengers.
They should not have to hear, “Tell your mom you’re staying with me,” or, “Tell your dad he’s wrong about Christmas.”
The disagreement is between the adults.
Instead, keep communication focused on the order and the specific issue.
What dates do you believe apply?
What provision are you relying on?
Where is the disagreement?
Sometimes identifying the exact point of confusion can help parents realize they were interpreting the schedule differently.
When the disagreement cannot be resolved, speaking with a Texas family law attorney before the holiday may help you understand what the existing order requires and what options may be available.
Think About Exchanges Before the Holiday Arrives
Who has the children is only one part of holiday planning.
Parents should also understand where and when the exchange occurs.
That becomes particularly important during Thanksgiving and Christmas because normal routines are disrupted.
Schools close.
Parents may be off work.
Families may be traveling.
Traffic may be heavier.
The Texas Standard Possession Order contains provisions dealing with pickup and return of children, but the details of an individual order can vary.
Review those details now.
Knowing that an exchange occurs at 6 p.m., noon, when school dismisses, or at another specified time can make the difference between a smooth transition and an unnecessary argument.
Don’t Make the Children Choose
Holiday custody conflicts can feel intensely personal.
Parents may be thinking about traditions, grandparents, siblings, travel, and the limited number of holidays they have with their children.
But children should not feel responsible for solving the dispute.
Asking a child, “Where do you want to spend Christmas?” can place them in an uncomfortable position, particularly when they know one parent may be hurt by the answer.
Whenever possible, parents should resolve scheduling disagreements between themselves without making the child responsible for the outcome.
The holidays should feel like something children can look forward to, not something they have to manage.
October Is the Time to Figure This Out
If you already sense that Thanksgiving or Christmas could become a problem, do not wait until the week of the holiday.
Pull out your custody order.
Look at the holiday provisions.
Check the children’s school calendar.
Compare the dates with any travel plans.
Talk with the other parent.
And if something does not make sense, get clarification before everyone is operating under different assumptions.
The goal is not simply to determine who “wins” Thanksgiving or Christmas.
It is to create as much predictability as possible for the children while making sure both parents understand their rights and responsibilities under the existing order.
Holiday custody disagreements are much easier to address in October than they are the night before Thanksgiving.
If you and your co-parent already disagree about the upcoming holiday schedule, Sandoval Family Law can help you understand your custody order and the options available under Texas law.